Saturday, May 17, 2014

What Dreams May Come

These last three weeks have been hard. My Cancer treatment is Monday though Friday, for 6 weeks. I am now at the end of my third week.

Before I get into the experience, there are folks who need to be acknowledged. They are the ones who make sure I get to those sessions everyday, and on time:

My brother Jim – who signed up to take me on Tuesdays, despite having a killer workload, and new people in his office.

My sister Jane – who is already babysitting our grand-nephews, and has to come all the way from New Hope, PA to chauffeur me 11 miles to the hospital.

My anam cara Claude – who has her own doctor appointments to keep, as well as those of her husband, Jack.

My Reike teacher and friend Bob – who drives, does energy work, fixes knee walkers and rescues me from various household duties.

My pal Stephanie – who pitches in on other appointments and walks my bunny boy Rufus.

My former hubby Gary – who agreed to take care of my car and use it to assist with the radiation sessions. He has to come from Asbury Park to do so.

Thanks, also, to those who have been sending distant healing, good thoughts and prayers. They are all greatly appreciated.

The treatment journey began 3 weeks ago. I was nervous to start radiation. I must have been VERY nervous because I got a phone call that Monday telling me to stay home – the machine was broken. I mentally pulled an Urkle; “Did I do that?”

It was a remote possibility. My mother, me, my nephew (and who knows what other relatives) manifest anger and fear, depression and worry, by blowing things up. Mum use to blow up light bulbs., She also produced pounding noises in distant rooms. The nephew has fried an electronic device or two. I usually exploded streetlights and such, but also blew the circuits in a friend's house when I got very passionate about the topic we were discussing. (I also once deliberately blew out the lights in a room to scare a friend who was getting snippy with me. That'll learn her.)

The next day, Tuesday, I had treatment. The machine broke down, but re-started in time for my session. Wednesday, not as lucky. Had to come in the afternoon because the machine, again, was toast that morning.

I meet with the doctor every Monday. The next week, I asked if it was typical for the equipment to malfunction like this. He advised that the machine had never done this before. They had to replace the power lines to the hospital, replace the electronics for the machine itself, and it had to be calibrated.

I felt very guilty.

It hasn't happened since.

Sorry, Old Sparky. Not your fault.

(A new doctor heard me call the radiation machine by this nick name, and proceeded to pass it around the entire staff. I told him, “Don't forget to quote me.”  Hey, you're a doctor. You can afford your own material).

The fourth week is when some of the nastier side effects kick in. (Oh Joy! Oh Rapture!) However, I currently do have one of the most common ones – fatigue.

People speak about being in the arms of Morpheus, the god of sleep and dreams. What folks don't realize is that the cool looking dude, with the black wings, is actually wearing a near-human disguise. He is, in reality, a daemon (no, not demon), a force of nature. Yes, he can bring sleep and dreams, but he can also provide stupor, coma, and extreme fatigue. The last has been his gift to me.
 I am tired from getting up early, getting dressed, making it to the car, through the hospital, into treatment, and back again. (I injured my right arm, which is in constant pain, but I need it to hold the regular walker and the knee walker. This is also exhausting.) Add to this the over-all perception of heavy limbs and the sense of swirling around the rim of unconsciousness, and you can see why Facebook, e-mails, and the like have recently been ignored. Sorry, all. It will get better.

In the interim, I have kept spirits up by enjoying the Sherlock fandom. I treated myself to a pair of character dolls. I also had Sherlock and John key chain figures, which I repurposed. Here are my buddies, with THEIR buddies.

I have also found two wonderful parodies on line and have included them below:

(I just found out that there is a part 2 to the above parody. I will post that next time.)
I am also looking forward to doing some revision work on a manuscript that Natalie Zaman and I wrote a while back, and producing a few articles for magazines. I have to keep myself awake and productive. I may be feeling this way for awhile.

So, fingers crossed, forgive the periods of silence, (not truly silence; I'm sure I'm snoring), and it's onward through the fogggg...zzzzzzzzzz....