This is a highly personal blog. We're owed a little self indulgence every now and then...I think... Well, anyway, here goes....
What's it like, to cut the cord? To have a cord cut? I don't know. I've never given birth, never had the experience of being physically connected too another human being in such a biologically graphic way. Have I raised children? Oh yes, I've had a hand in rearing a few relatives. I helped raise a friend's daughter like my own, even had an adult Craft student with whom I felt a tight, maternal bond. But...no... there was never a cord to cut.
Of course, my nieces and nephew are still my blood, but even so – one has left me in her past. My “daughter” has outgrown my usefulness, and the Craft member? Gods only know why she decided to get the hell out of Dodge. She never finished her training, but maybe she felt she had learned enough. Maybe she made enough connections through me to further herself in the community and promote herself . As I said, who knows?
In life, these things happen. People fall away and lose touch, others come in and things begin anew, old friends stand by you for decades. The wheel turns. It's sometimes painful, especially without closure. As you get older you come to realize that some people are just exceptional actors – especially the creative, flaky, ex-hippie, nouveau-hippie types that seem to find me.
All some people have are their internal scripts and a facade. Lasting friendships – where folks just care for each other, without serving each other's agendas – may not be possible for them – and thats definitely sad.
It took me a long time to learn to let these people go. What still deeply bothers me, as a Craft Elder, is when such folks take what I taught them and present themselves as “experts”, or possibly “spokespersons” for the Craft. This is made worse by location – places I use to actually teach. I have often thought, “OK, if you're going to take my bait and my rod, my personal lures and sinkers, and set yourself up as a “fish whisperer”, have at it. But at least have the civil courtesy NOT TO FISH IN MY POND!
I had a nice long talk with a fellow Wiccan, businessman, and teacher. I usually don't run crying to anyone about such things, but it was just the cherry on top of a very sour Sundae. I had been told and have seen where solo credit has been taken for a mutual project, over and over. My creativity and writings are like the only “children” to which I shall ever give birth (sprung, fully formed, from my head...just like Athena!...messy and disgusting as that sounds). Steal my money (what there is of it) but NEVER claim my ideas.
And now- we have the same berk rising on the half-shell as a newly minted Craft spokesperson. (I see a Botticelli forming in my head. Do you?)
My Wiccan friend has been down this path himself. Folks would come to his Circles, not really mix with other participants, attend a class or two to get materials, then go off and set themselves up as teachers and Elders. It's a real punch to the gut, if you deeply care about your spiritual Path.
Well, what can you do? Nothing.
“Ah, not so”, said my friend. “Cut the cord.”
“Cut what cord? I already did that emotionally, and I don't physically ever see them any longer. What's left?”
“The cord to your traditions and knowledge. They may have learned a few things on their own, but what you imparted, you can reclaim. Cut the cord they have to your wisdom and family workings. It will slowly leave them. They will have to re-learn on their own, but hey! It won't hurt them, and review is good for the soul”
...and he was right.
I have done the required meditations, and could actually see myself cutting that cord. It genuinely made me feel lighter, healthier. Will the person or persons on the other end notice anything different? I don't know and it's not important. They may be about them, but this operation was about me.
This technique can be used in so many situations, especially in matters of relationships. Is your heart broken? Is it patched together with chewing gum, Elmer's glue, and old J&J band aids? I've been there. You're happy just to keep it ticking, but fear to expose it to anything else hurtful. Cut the cords. To the people who hurt you, take from you, use you, lie about you -cut the cords to you wisdom, your vulnerability, your sense of worth. Let them go be whoever/whatever they are.
Let them learn for themselves while YOU go take a walk in the fresh air and sunshine, secure in the knowledge and wisdom and truth that you developed honestly. Give yourself a better holiday season, a happier Yule, a more Joyous Xmas and New Year.
This is my gift to you all. And – dear friend – if you happen to be reading this – you'll never know how much power your words have set free. Blessed Be.