Sunday, May 29, 2011

Straight To Video

Well, a very unhappy thing happened this week.

I work in a conservative industry. I've been employed by the same company for better than two decades. Over the course of that period, our office has occupied three buildings, this last one being the nicest (although no building is without its issues).

Our current building's issue is security. It has been told to us that a custodial employee of the building's cleaning crew installed cameras in the locker and ladies' rooms. We learned this week that our bathrooms were also compromised, and several of our employees have been tentatively identified on these tapes.

Yep. Lucky me.

Beyond that, this pervert had his stock of dirty, little, secret films up on a web site. This has since been shut down by the feds. The custodian was caught – hoisted with his own petard. The first thing he filmed was himself as he hid the camera. He was identified and arrested, but made bail. He is out, walking among the innocent.

I, meanwhile, have got to go down to police headquarters and positively identify myself on these tapes. 330 lbs, big plastic CRO boot, 4-quad cane...yeah, like I could be confused with so many other folks. In short, I get to be humiliated all over again. It's not bad enough the whole freaking barrio now knows I'm a natural redhead, I have to sit there with the knights in blue, watching me do things even I have never seen me do. At this point, I'm looking for reputable counsel.

Anyone know a good lawyer?

Also, for the past few weeks, I've been having itch problems. At first, I thought I was being bit by something. I had the dog bathed and Frontlined, I sprayed the couch and covers with Zodiac, I laundered the bedding...and it got worse. It went from looking like bites to looking like plague. Angry red welts would rise on my thighs and then disappear. Lines would appear on my skin. I was ready to spew Latin, elevate off the bed, and beat up a priest. Before the words “help me” appeared under my bra line, I went to see my doctor.
“To what?”
“Don't know. Time to see an Allergist.”
That won't be until Thursday.

In the interim, it is getting worse and worse. I am trying to hold it at bay with Benadryl tablets and Gold Bond cream, in the hopes of staving off my morph into Zuul the Gatekeeper.

"There is no Katharine - only Zuul"
 There is some happy news. First – it's a long weekend. Second – I have my new CRO and can function in it. I can also walk with the cane now (bye-bye walker!) and drive short distances. I should be set to return to the office on June 13th.

I managed to buy some bearded irises from an on-line catalog, plus my sister stopped in Lambertville and picked up 6 more. My brother planted them this Thursday and they look great. My pal Goldie in PA will be sending more once her growing season is done. They can be planted in the Fall. (BTW: Happy belated 60th, dear Wiccan sister, and many happy returns. Watch your mail!)

Today, my friends Joe and Helen went to Ashley Furniture with me, where I finally bought my new mattress set. I went with a Sealy. The salesman tried selling me another Sterns and Foster (my current set – the one where the box spring broke in half!) “Just try it,” says he. It was sooo high I couldn't even get on, unless I threw myself across it and maneuvered down it's length like a beached seal. I can just imagine me flopped out on my belly, pant legs slid up and hives bursting out like a pan of Jiffy Pop. Nice way to scare the normals.

Fun to eat - nasty to resemble
  The place was full of international families, plus one Korean couple who would jump over and lie on any mattress in which I showed interest. (My salesman would say “Now THIS is very firm, and yet allows for comfort and support.” Bong-bong-bong... they would literally bounce over other sets and fling themselves down on the mattress in question. “O...K....well, this one over HERE is a posturepedic with a feather top...” Bong-bong-bong ...splat. “Yee chow moy ya mei mei yadda yadda yadda ..” which probably meant “Hey, fat white girl. You too slow!” When they returned to the first mattress just as I returned, I finally said “Folks, I'm going to lay down – either on that mattress... or on YOU.” They took off like ants sprayed with Black Flag.)

I got home, happy to have yet another ordeal over. That's when Sears called to say someone in California tried to use my credit card. Whee! The fun wasn't over after all! Now my old account has been canceled, and the new card is in the mail, and I can't buy crap on the computer any more. Here endeth my retail therapy. (Sigh).

What surprises are in store for the rest of the weekend? Don't ask.

Happy Memorial Day, everyone.

Thank-you for your service, Veterans.

I'm off to buy stronger wards and good luck charms.

Crap! No I'm not. No card!!!

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